"Eh, No Baby Yet"

  I know what you're thinking: "Why would you start a 'Mom-To-Be' blog with a picture of a negative pregnancy test?"  Let me start from the beginning.

  Since I can remember, I never wanted to have kids.  For some reason, even when I was too young to really understand anything about pregnancy and childbirth, I knew I never wanted to experience the pain of delivery.  It was like that for years.  My dad would tease about how he wanted to be a grandpa, but I'd remind him that I'm not his only child.

  When I was maybe 14, the mindset of anti-motherhood started to change.  I'd read an article in a teen magazine about Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.  They were each other's best friend; probably why I'd always wanted a twin sister myself.  I decided that adopting twin girls might not be such a bad idea.

  At age 17, however, the mindset changed again.  I'd thought about it and realized that I really did want to experience pregnancy.  I still had my heart set on twin girls and knew that if my first pregnancy didn't bring them to me, I'd adopt them.  I really didn't want any more than 2 or 3 kids.

  Long story short, I decided I didn't want twin girls and soon I met my husband.  We were both settled on 2; a boy and a girl.  Through our short (but on-going) marriage, I again started to doubt if I really wanted kids at all.  We got to a point last year where we were both like, "You know what?  We don't want kids."  However, he was still saying "someday."

  On 24 January, Josh finally set out into the Air Force.  BMT (Basic Military Training) was a rough 8 1/2 weeks to barely have any communication with him.  It's true what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder.  I would write him all the time.  I'd even been thinking out my doubts about kids.  I know how much he wants to leave a legacy with a son.  In one letter, I started writing about how kids may not be such a bad idea someday (the below picture was a great motivation in that thinking), but it ended with talking about our kids as if they're already on their way!

  It was so great to be with my husband the weekend he graduated BMT.  One time when we had a chance alone, we decided that birth control wasn't necessary.  Still, later, Josh said, "eh, no baby yet."  So, I agreed and we went on with the day's plans.

  A few weeks later, as my period's due date quickly approached, I started thinking more and more about the possibility that I'm pregnant; taking it more seriously.  I usually have pretty long cycles (about 35-37 days), but this was longer than usual (though still shorter than one last year).  I was even noticing some early pregnancy symptoms, but didn't know if it was just all in my head.  A week after my period's due date, and still no period or PMS symptoms, I took a pregnancy test; the one pictured at the top.  So, I texted the picture to Josh (he's still away at tech school) and now we know.

  During the time of not knowing, I thought a whole lot about having a baby.  I knew it wasn't the *best* time, but at the same time I was really looking forward to having a child with the love of my life.  Now I know that we can wait a little longer for the right timing.

  So, now that I'm ready, the real journey begins: planning to get pregnant.  This will probably happen in a couple of months.  I'm looking at a March due date.